I sit here trying to sort out a catchy intro for this blog and yet, nothing is coming to me. You’d think with all of the time that I have on my hands I could have come up with something! But alas no… we are a few days into our quarantine here in Virginia and like may others, we are trying to wrap our heads around what is going on in the world while simultaneously keeping an ear out to see who has toilet paper. (Not even sure why I’m so stressed about toilet paper. I have 6 rolls, but the media and other shoppers are making me feel like that is no where near enough!)
Life has changed so much since my last blog. Okay, that’s actually a HUGE understatement! I’m writing this blog from a new rented townhouse after selling our house this past December. (I was able to pull a good chunk of cash out of the sale of that house, but that money has now unfortunately been claimed with the stocks tanking.) Down the hall my boys are currently hanging together in the living room laughing and joking with each other. My oldest graduated college a year earlier than expected and he was bummed about not finishing out his official senior year at JMU. He is now finding himself quite grateful he finished when he did, because he was able to have a graduation and find a job before the Corona virus changed that all up for so many. My youngest, however, is a senior in high school, so he may lose out on the many celebrations and rites of passage that come with this year. Graduation, prom, beach week, senior week, and the list goes on. In the fall he’ll be heading off to SCAD in Savannah. That tuition coupled with the financial world right now is a bit scary for this mama!
I asked the boys today about their thoughts on all that is changing so quickly day by day. The answer is a simple but genuine “I’m okay” from each of them. And then we continue on talking about our multitude of blessings. We are ever so grateful for each other and to still find moments of laughter in our home. Laughter has carried us through some of the most difficult times and I have faith it will carry us through this as well.
There was a chunk of time that laughter was a little more scarce in my life. It slipped out without me even noticing it was gone, if you can believe that! You see my husband suffered from alcoholism and it chased off the laughter and stole much from our lives. This is something that I’ve wanted to write about for some time, because I know that it can help so many people. But it is difficult, because alcoholism is such an ugly disease and it affected one of my absolute favorite people in this world. I promise I will write more about it some day, but this blog is more about not losing out on hope or giving into fear.
The reason I tell you about my husband now is because it was his struggle that lead me into the rooms of Al Anon. I went because I figured if I surrounded myself with enough people that have dealt with alcoholism, then surely I could piece together the best way to fix him, fix our marriage and everything else crumpling in my world. Imagine my disappointment when they said that they could not fix my alcoholic, only he could do that. They did tell me that I could find peace in my world whether he was drinking or not. Totally NOT the answer I was looking for at the time, but I knew I didn’t have any answers OR peace at that point, so I figured I’d give it a shot.
I went to their meetings week after week and I remember almost begging for answers some weeks. Saying things like,”You don’t understand! He could lose his job, or get a DUI, or worse yet hurt someone!” And the response I’d get was something similar to “Yes, unfortunately all of those are a possibility.” (Seriously!?!? That’s like zero help people!!!) As the weeks and months got worse I confided with them,”I’m so afraid he will die if he keeps this up.” And more than one of these friends would say calmly, “Yes he could.”
I can’t stress this enough… EVERY SINGLE TIME it was like a bucket of ice water dumped on me!!! All of my life I was surrounded with family and friends that did their best to chase any and all sense of doom and gloom away. But now these people just embraced the tee total suck of everything and kept going on with their lives!!! It seemed ever so weird to me not to be scooped up in an embrace and promised that my fears were unfounded and that everything would turn out just the way that I envisioned it.
One week I rolled in and the theme of the meeting was “fear.” I remember a woman sharing that night and it’s as if her words had a highlighter run across them for me. Something deep in my soul (or more likely my overworked guardian angel) said to pay attention and always remember this moment and these words. The words of a woman whose life had suffered very tragically from alcoholism, yet she has a laugh that brings the most beautiful energy into a room. She said she was there as a reminder that sometimes, unfortunately, your worst fears do come true. But guess what? The sun still comes up day after day, life still goes on, and it’s up to us what we make of those days. The laughter and happiness will return if we let it.
I needed to be there that night and I needed to hear that message! I refer back to those words time and time again. That’s trust. That’s faith. That’s not giving into fear. That’s acceptance. That and the return of laughter have been what have gotten me through everything that was to come in the days, months and years after. That outlook lifted me up through separation, a cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, mastectomy, my husband’s passing, and right on through to these current days of quarantine.
Schools are closed, meetings cancelled, businesses shut down, graduations likely cancelled, and financial loses are evident across the board wherever you look. Everyone in the whole world just had a bucket of ice cold water dumped on us. Things are bad and not at all what ANY of us wanted. But my friend is right, the sun really does keep coming up. It comes up whether we have toilet paper in the house or not! It comes up whether my child goes to prom or not. It comes up whether the stocks rally or crash. And sometimes even in the most painful of times, as it did for me 3 years ago, it comes up on days after you lose someone that you loved ever so dearly. But remember, life goes on and the laughter and happiness is there too if you will allow it in. It’s there for the taking absolutely anytime that you need it. It’s there now if you just breathe and look around.
Sending much love to you all my friends!
Kristen
Forty Free Life? 